Well, after a full ‘nother reinstallation of Arch and Fedora both, I think I may be on track computer-wise. THANK YOU BUNK GRUB2 UPGRADE, AND A BUNK KERNEL UPGRADE (respectively). NOT.

Due to unemployment, and not getting unemployment (was denied), my water is now shut off here at the house, and other utilities are in danger of being shut off. Haven’t been able to pay rent this month.

I want to work, but in this area (very small town), the unemployment rate is sky-high (possibly as high as 50+%), and there are no jobs. Can’t afford to go to where there are jobs right now.

I spend my days going insane for a smoke (please do not try to convince me to quit right now; I’m way to stressed for that, and even more stressed without being able to smoke), watching the forum, being on Twitter, and once in a while on Facebook. I help my daughter with my grandson where I can, and dream of the day when I can make some real money again, and get the hell out of the states to be with my someone, even if for just a couple of weeks. Hell, I’ll take any time with him right now.

I’m blessed I suppose to have what I do have. I have my daughter and grandson (mentioned before), and I have my someone (Joste). I have a roof over my head, even if not for much longer.

I have a retirement cashout coming… someday. The State lost the paperwork on it……. so I have to wait yet another 30-45 days for it to come……. by then I’m horribly afraid everything will be turned off.

Sometimes I have a hard time believing this is my life. I worked too hard throughout it for it to not be like this, and ended up with it anyway. It’s a nightmare.

To add insult to injury, what is now yesterday I finally had to break down and go get food stamps. They batched them out to me 4 hours ago, I went to go shop, and the pin I had put in for my EBT card, turned out to be the wrong pin. One I had manually entered already to get the card going in the first place, and it locked me out. I now have to wait another 24 hours before I can even shop. This is why I hate living on system shit.

Sanguis meus tibi non iam perbibendus sit

Macula aeterintatis
Numquam detergenda
Quisnam surget et deteget
Imaginem veritates ?

People created religious inventions
To give their lives a glimmer of hope
And to ease their fear of dying
And people created religious intentions
Only to feel superior and to have a license to kill

Our desire to die is stronger
Than all your desire for life
There is no getting away from it now
Only true faith survives

People created religious inventions
To give their lives a glimmer of hope
And to ease their fear of dying
And people created religious ascensions
To subject the others and to enslave, just to further enrich themselves

It doesn’t matter where we die
It doesn’t matter that you cry
We’ll take you with us

A disgrace on the beyond

O servator, sempiterne
Te grati coluimus, Odor atrox quo nons superfundis intolerabilis est

Deceive yourself by yielding
to soft words that cause no pain
Enrich yourself with different views
Learned without disdain

A disgrace on the beyond
That can never be undone
Who shall rise and unveil
The Facade of Reality?

Is there still room for new dents in old wrecks?
A disgrace on the beyond that can never be undone
Deceive yourself by yielding to soft words
Enrich yourself by making up your own mind

Sanguis meus tibi non iam perbibendus sit

~Epica

Façade of Reality

I haven’t had much to say lately, and for that I’m sorry to everyone. When one’s heavily depressed, it’s hard to talk. I appreciate very much everyone’s caring and love, and you have it in return. There’s just not much to say right now. Please forgive me.

Advertisements